The waves have crashed down at
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
5:36 PM
err.. i'm pretty much bored during my first day of stay here in paranaque.. i mean.. what the hell can i do aside from watching tv the whole day, surf the net and chat? i need a life and i need it badly right now. i'm actually planning on watching one tree hill.. as in the whole season.. i am planning on a lil soul searching as well.. if only i could find the perfect place to do so..
iunno if i'm that insensitive but i guess i really am. i was talking to kuya and nash yesterday at school. during the whole course card distribution, this guy who well.. let's just say that i had a past with hung out with us prolly because his pals didn't show up for the course card distribution. well anyway.. we were hangin out in z2 waiting for our course card in stat when i was listening to my lil sis' nano with aids.. nash told me that he started acting funny. he seemed hot-tempered that time. sorry! i mean.. he had his chance.. not that i went after him but i did wanted to try it again one more time just to see if he would run after me.. the day after he got intoxicated by alcohol, i asked him through sms if he was still in egi. i waited for a reply the whole day but there was none. it just goes to show that he never planned on working things out and i guess, that's the end of our story. at least, i'm glad to say no one as in no one in this entire universe will get into my pants without ever being so sure about what i am doing. it's all a mind over heart matter. i'm glad i used my head. it was so stupid of me to think that guys like him know how to care. i was very wrong. oh well.
i watched hitch a while ago.. out of boredom, i guess. one of his lines hit me. he said something about falling in love when he was trying to explain his side to sarah at the speed dating place.. he said "this is the reason why it's so goddamn hard to fall in love.." i believe that he was referring to it as being complicated. yes. love is such a complicated thing. you don't know whether you're doing it right.. if the timing is right.. if the feeling is right and so much more.. how i wish i was more like my bro.. at least he has vida by his side.. as for me? gawd. i dunno where i stand. honestly, i think i'm just messin with myself for thinking that that 1% fighting chance isn't 1% at all. i thought that maybe.. just maybe.. he did like me the way i liked him.. he saw me the way i saw him and he felt the way i felt too.. it's just plain stupid. i hope to get tired trying to run after someone who doesn't give a damn. i wish i could just extract the feeling away from me and convert it into a personal drive to get into the dean's list next term. i know it sounds hard but it's possible. if i can't do it next term, i might as well try and try until i graduate. what scares me the most is that after i finish school, i'll have nowhere to go to despite my possession of a tertiary educational diploma.
i have so many things to worry about and i don't even know where to start. this christmas is just like any other i've had for the past three years.. christmas has always been like this. cold, sad and lonely.. i don't blame anyone or even myself. i just do. i feel more like a repressed psychopath for this. i don't care. who gives a crap anyway.
my life is walking in circles.. i never found my fork in the road.. how can i ever find my direction? i'm lost.. wish i could help myself out.. by the way, i told kuya and nashty about one of my deep dark secrets.. shit!!! well iunno what will happen.. i guess i'll just let things unfold naturally..
raw's coming to the land of huts on february 2006!!! i'm saving up for front row tickets!! i'm watching it with my achi, tita monique! we're both gonna oogle over john cena! hahaha! :D just sooo damn excited. :D
