The waves have crashed down at
Monday, July 10, 2006
12:25 AM
Sometimes, I can't help wondering if there is more to my life than academics, my futile attempts to discover hidden art talents that aren't there, my unending battles agains fear of strangers and roaches, allowance management and hopes of having Erning for myself. I joined YFC simply because I promised a friend I would. Sadly, I did not find what I was looking for. Being an agnostic for the past 3 years did not teach me to be a religious rebel. Rather, it has taught me to be tolerable and respect others' beliefs. It's funny. I never imagined myself like this a few years ago. I am not angry, just empty. Maybe I am just sad. I don't know. Happiness is a choice. Being too nice is a choice. Sometimes, I wonder what I'd do if I reached my "boiling point." I hope people stop abusing kindness because the nicest people are the scariest when angry. I did get angry at the people I used to call friends (well at least, most of them). I talked to several people about the current issue I am facing. It's weird. They told me that getting even at someone won't make the offense go away. It is true but it's not what I am after. I am after getting even at him. What sucks is when I think about it, getting angry is futile. It is a possible cause for blowing the small battle into epic proportions. After two weeks of raging hearts and harsh words, I have finally concluded that my mind may have to take over this one. There are better things to put my attention and effort into. You cannot change the past, only the future and so with that, I leave it all to whatever universal power out there to do what it has to do to make me feel better. As for the so-called friends I have, my shortcomings should've been dealt with at a more mature manner. Watch your back. I may not make a move but what you did will get back at you.
