last entry for this year.. wert! *

The waves have crashed down at
Saturday, December 31, 2005
1:08 PM

hmm.. so what do i write about? iunno.. let my freaky thoughts flow..

i had a little get-together with the whole amazing friends of mr. biggles. too bad lil bro teeds and nashed potato weren't able to join us. i got HAVAIANAS HIBISCO IN BLUE from kuya!!! Whee!!! Silly Key gave me a bottle of grapeseed bath gel from Body Shop so that I would be inspired to take a shower. Hahahah! Jeeze.. I really will miss those guys next sem. I gave Ahya a beer mug [wherein I forgot to remove the price tag], red Puma futsal socks for kuya, cd holder for Kee, ____ for Nashed Potato [Who knows, she might be reading my blog? :P] and nailcutter for my lil bro.. :D

Amy and I are kinda trying to jumpstart the business right away so we could get earn the money earlier. We both need it badly! We're planning on selling Italian and Mexican food plus desserts and pastries. :D

Cheesecake's lola died a few nights ago.. RIP Lola Vic. x_x

How do you figure out if a guy likes you? I mean.. Sure, there's kuya to give me a guy's point of view but I unno.. Wish I could read minds.

Mom hasn't gone home for the past two days. No trace of her, she doesn't answer my calls til I ran out of load. What the fuck happened to her?! If I don't hear from her from the next few days, I might have to call the cops and ask for help. I am fucking serious.

Shitty Pyro Olympics forced me to walk from Pasay - Rotonda to Coastal Mall. Yes, the traffic was that bad. Tangina. They should've chosen a way better venue for that like the Fort or something.

Erning has H.I.D's already!!! Woohoo!!! That is soo like freakin cool! At least one out of the many things I wished for this Christmas did come true.

2006 is just like 11 hours away.. New year.. new start.. new life.. I wonder what's ahead of me...

losing myself... *

The waves have crashed down at
Tuesday, December 27, 2005
5:28 PM

I just finished watching season 1 and 2 of One Tree Hill. I was pretty much upset with how season 2 ended. It sucked. Damn. One thing I was happy about though was the fact that the real bad guy died. But then, the ending sucked big time. It made me feel kinda sad actually and made me reflect more about my life. I mean.. all this.. this complication.. it just wasn't for me. Well, at least I feel it isn't for me. I mean sometimes, when I'm alone and when I cry.. I just wish that at some point I can just let it all go.. the problems, the tears, the laughter, the feelings.. I mean everything. I don't want a part or any of it for that matter. You know they say that we should be careful of what we wish for? There are times I wish that I never existed. I mean.. Look at me. This is just like some lame-ass joke. My life is nothing but a surreal superficial hoax. I mean.. nothing ever became right. For one, I might be heading for what I didn't eventually want. I see myself slipping away inch by inch. College has been great. I mean.. new life, new set of friends, new start but somewhere along this whole neoradical phase, I lost myself. Heck, I don't even know who I am anymore honestly. I've lost the one I was hoping to become. If it was a far-fetched dream before, now it is all just a vague memory. I guess not only dreams die, but it also drags along the people who made those too.. I am one of them and slowly.. my heartbeat is pacing down and sooner or later, I'm gonna run out of breath.

woah. *

The waves have crashed down at
Sunday, December 25, 2005
12:49 AM

tangina. i was surprised that i wasn't angry when i talked to my dad on the phone. he called me up a few minutes ago. prolly i felt that somewhere along the way, he had to be forgiven. :)

what sucks is that eventhough i can talk to my dad now after 4 years of avoiding him, i still have an empty christmas.

shit. happy christmas to all. :)

p.s. wala pa akong wishlist.. kaya eto na.. isang malaking asa lang naman pero pwede na rin.. kung meron jan magandang loob na bibigyan ako ng mga ito, sige lang.. salamat sa inyo. :D
* erning
* pera pangload ng atm
* bagong pamalit kay lucy
* h.i.d. para kay erning
* mini-sub woofers para kay erning
* flip phone na pang-sun cellular.. siguro yung sony ericsson na walkman nalang..
* bagong digicam.. preferrably 5+ megapixels with 5x optical zoom at 18 hours standby operating time at may 128 mb memory
* laptop for my audio and academic needs
* havaianas estampadas trip in navy blue
* springs para malift si erning
* havaianas surf in royal blue
* havaianas kitten heels in black with swarovski crystals
* havaianas joy in blue
* havaianas flash way etnics in yellow
* ps2
* original copy ng one tree hill season 1 & 2
* havaianas traditional in blue
* havaianas brasil in yellow
* a better life in 2006

* the love and affection from the guy of my dreams [either yung malapit o yung malayo.. *wink wink*]
*ehem ehem*

sa mga di nakakaalala ng 18th birthday ko, bumawi naman kayo! ayan! mamili kayo ng balak niyong ibigay sakin diyan.. :))

When Was the Last Time You Did Something for the First Time? *

The waves have crashed down at
Saturday, December 24, 2005
12:21 PM

Here I am staring blankly at the monitor in front of me trying to sum up all that has happened this year. It was not the best but certainly, it wasn't hell at all. In Munchkin's words, "steady lang..".

I came across one of my crushes' blogs, Bianca Gonzales. No, I'm neither a homo or bisexual. I just find her pretty and based from what I read from her blog, she seems like a nice person. :)

I finally accumulated enough stickers for a Starbucks 2006 planner. Whopeedoo!!! Coolness. One of the most striking lines there (this part was actually inspired from Bianca's blog) was "When was the last time you did something for the first time?" The thought of that made me smile. Why? Beeeeeecause... *drum roll please* exactly one week ago, I cooked something for someone other than family and friends. (I better watch my words because you'll never know when he's reading your posts.. x_x) *blushes* He said he liked it and I was surprised. I mean the oil was too hot so I kinda burned the garlic but not the uber-burned type wherein the garlic's black already. I just cooked it a little too brown. :) I just hope he liked it really and wasn't just complimenting because he's such a nice person. :) That's the reason why when we caught up with each other, I never brought up the topic of the horrible pasta ever again. :)

Hmm.. I wanna do a lil flashback of all the craziness, tears and triumphs this year has given to me.. Let's start off, shall we?

January - new year.. still depressed.. found out I didn't pass Ateneo so I asked for a reconsideration.. stopped training for the varsity.. got pretty crazy about the whole Senior Ball thing.. :)

February - chinese new year.. still depressed.. found out that with some arrangements, I can go to UP Diliman under the sports scholarship program.. tried playing tennis here and there.. pretty much started bracing myself for college.. It was either UP Diliman or De La Salle University for me..

March - most stressful month in terms of requirements.. [we were graduating, i was a club head and a cadet officer].. grad ball was one month away.. Amy got her senses back.. Loveydoods and Pat's first [and sadly, last] anniversary.. found out that UP required me to try out again..

April - summertime! first time in Bora with a bunch of assholes.. shit. grad day.. I was officially a CSA alumnus.. grad ball baby!!! found out I was going to La Salle and had to reserve my slot.. pretty much just bummed around the house and frequent trips to the mall..

May - got my non-pro license.. orientation for frosh in DLSU.. first day in college.. Achi Monique welcomed me.. :) met cousin RJ.. got traumatized by frickin Botany.. got a taste of college life.. the birth of the unnamed barkada..

June - didn't go home during weekends to Paranaque anymore.. had a "thing" with someone.. drank with the block.. bulakbol phase.. almost died from my road trip with kuya and lil bro teeds.. tried out for the DLSU pep squad..

July - still the same.. haven't started saving up for Bora.. bought Pretzel.. found out that that someone was a "normal guy" with raging hormones down there. [no thanks, I'm saving it all for the honeymoon.].. got Marice to drink.. >:)

August - my first failure ever!!! Tatang is gonna pay. >:) course card distribution [I honestly lost all my course cards.. x_x].. Charmi passed away.. Bea's debut [everyone looked regal..].. the unnamed barkada was now the Amazing Friends of Mr. Biggles.. got scared of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.. x_x

September - UAAP finals.. watched game 1 with cuz for free.. watched game 2 with kuya and Aids.. fresh start of term 2.. planned on shifting to comm arts.. start of my rotc calvary..

October - started failing in Zoolone, Alge and Stat.. tried out Sarian [street fighting] for the first time through leap.. dissected a frog with bare hands for the first time.. joined Interschool Kartfest

November - had dengue.. qualified for Kartfest finals to represent La Salle.. had the suckiest coming-of-age in the entire history of mankind.. cried of My Sassy Girl [because it was the first time I ever watched a Korean film]

December - end of 2nd term.. passed all subjects.. still no clue of where I'm going to.. disintegration of LR43.. end of the year.. still hoping to have Erning before the start of another year.. *sigh*

bobo. *

The waves have crashed down at
Friday, December 23, 2005
1:32 PM

don't use words with profound meaning if you are describing yourself.. you may never know when you are contradicting yourself hence, you will sound like a foolish know-it-all.

*roll eyes*

how can one be asexual yet heartbroken over someone of the opposite sex? clearly, you need to look up to an online dictionary to make sure your words are right.

bored. to death. *

The waves have crashed down at
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
5:36 PM

err.. i'm pretty much bored during my first day of stay here in paranaque.. i mean.. what the hell can i do aside from watching tv the whole day, surf the net and chat? i need a life and i need it badly right now. i'm actually planning on watching one tree hill.. as in the whole season.. i am planning on a lil soul searching as well.. if only i could find the perfect place to do so..

iunno if i'm that insensitive but i guess i really am. i was talking to kuya and nash yesterday at school. during the whole course card distribution, this guy who well.. let's just say that i had a past with hung out with us prolly because his pals didn't show up for the course card distribution. well anyway.. we were hangin out in z2 waiting for our course card in stat when i was listening to my lil sis' nano with aids.. nash told me that he started acting funny. he seemed hot-tempered that time. sorry! i mean.. he had his chance.. not that i went after him but i did wanted to try it again one more time just to see if he would run after me.. the day after he got intoxicated by alcohol, i asked him through sms if he was still in egi. i waited for a reply the whole day but there was none. it just goes to show that he never planned on working things out and i guess, that's the end of our story. at least, i'm glad to say no one as in no one in this entire universe will get into my pants without ever being so sure about what i am doing. it's all a mind over heart matter. i'm glad i used my head. it was so stupid of me to think that guys like him know how to care. i was very wrong. oh well.

i watched hitch a while ago.. out of boredom, i guess. one of his lines hit me. he said something about falling in love when he was trying to explain his side to sarah at the speed dating place.. he said "this is the reason why it's so goddamn hard to fall in love.." i believe that he was referring to it as being complicated. yes. love is such a complicated thing. you don't know whether you're doing it right.. if the timing is right.. if the feeling is right and so much more.. how i wish i was more like my bro.. at least he has vida by his side.. as for me? gawd. i dunno where i stand. honestly, i think i'm just messin with myself for thinking that that 1% fighting chance isn't 1% at all. i thought that maybe.. just maybe.. he did like me the way i liked him.. he saw me the way i saw him and he felt the way i felt too.. it's just plain stupid. i hope to get tired trying to run after someone who doesn't give a damn. i wish i could just extract the feeling away from me and convert it into a personal drive to get into the dean's list next term. i know it sounds hard but it's possible. if i can't do it next term, i might as well try and try until i graduate. what scares me the most is that after i finish school, i'll have nowhere to go to despite my possession of a tertiary educational diploma.

i have so many things to worry about and i don't even know where to start. this christmas is just like any other i've had for the past three years.. christmas has always been like this. cold, sad and lonely.. i don't blame anyone or even myself. i just do. i feel more like a repressed psychopath for this. i don't care. who gives a crap anyway.

my life is walking in circles.. i never found my fork in the road.. how can i ever find my direction? i'm lost.. wish i could help myself out..

by the way, i told kuya and nashty about one of my deep dark secrets.. shit!!! well iunno what will happen.. i guess i'll just let things unfold naturally..

raw's coming to the land of huts on february 2006!!! i'm saving up for front row tickets!! i'm watching it with my achi, tita monique! we're both gonna oogle over john cena! hahaha! :D just sooo damn excited. :D

the 2nd term course card distribution was a while ago.. i'm glad i passed all subjects.. i have 2 weeks to chill til school starts again.. i'm hoping to pass compana, stat102, genpsyc and introso so i'll graduate on time..

a.f.o.m.b. is officially disintegrated.. i'm gonna miss those wackos.. :(

i hope to have erning this break.. demn..

i lost lucy.. fuck you, you sick freak who stole my one and only credit card.. may you rot in jail..
i'm not really in the mood to write an entry right now so.. i guess this is it for now..

happy christmas to everyone.. :)

new layout!!! whatcha think??? :) *

The waves have crashed down at
Monday, December 19, 2005
5:40 PM

woohoo! new blog layout! langyang blog to.. inabot ako ng isang araw though i'm pretty sure it's frickin worth it.. :) sana lang gumagana ang cursor, scrollbar at links.. :D

bye bye term 2! *

The waves have crashed down at
Friday, December 16, 2005
12:39 PM

Finally, the second term is over.. We will be deblocked and I will be able to fix my schedule based on my most current sickness, tamaditis.. Hahaha!

There are a lot of outing lined up for me and I'm so excited to just party til dawn.. By the way, can't wait for Erning to get fixed! I wanna have her for Xmas.. Sigh..

confused.. *

The waves have crashed down at
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
10:58 PM

special stupid feeling leaking from the inside.. it's something i least expected..

i lied to the one who holds my heart.. i wish i could do something to turn it all around.. but what the heck?! like he cares about me the way i do to him.. shit..

my heart is torn between two impossibilities.. what do i choose?