what is happening to me??? *

The waves have crashed down at
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
2:21 AM

putangina. yun ang nararamdaman ko ngayon. 2:30 na ng umaga at di parin ako inaantok. maaaring sanhi ito ng caramel macchiato na nilagok ko kanina o stress lang talaga. di ako makatulog. at least, masasabi kong epektibo ang starbucks double shot iced coffee.. bakit naman ako lalagok ng kape ngayon gabi, you ask? simple. dapat magrereview ako ng comparative anatomy lab kanina kaso sa kasawiang palad, pagkauwi ko galing sa condo ng friend nila ate ella at gella sa torre, nakabukas pala ang aircon at andito si tita kends. malas. manonood pa naman sana ako ng artstruck bukas. gusto ko kasing mapanood si mark bading kasi crush ko talaga siya. shet. di ako makatulog. ok lang sana kung yun lang nararamdaman ko kaso eto. nasusuka ako pero di ko masuka. putangina what is wrong with me?! shet shet shet. mukang kelangan ko na magpatingin sa doktor kasi honestly simula nang akoy maging isang ganap na lasalyano, di na ako nagpacheck up sa doktor o sa dentista. pakers. ano na kaya ang nangyayari sakin?! baka pati sa psychiatrist kelangan ko na rin magpatingin.. buti nalang di recurring ang insomnia ko. pag tinopak lang talaga, nasasabaw ako sa umaga. shet. punta nga pala ako ng singapore sa friday. si tids nagpapabili sakin ng creative earphones at si munchkin naman memory stick para sa digicam. ang pakay ko lang doon ay makabili ng laptop at magaral ng companalec. leche. sana kasi summer nalang kami bumyahe para happy happy ako. ewan ko ba kung anong nangyayari sakin these past few days. feeling ko wala ako sa sarili ko. help me help me.. x_x

emo mode muna... *

The waves have crashed down at
Thursday, February 16, 2006
8:27 PM

ewan ko ba kung bakit ko naisipan gumawa ng bagong entry. pinalipas ko muna siguro ang valentine hype bago ako bumwelo. first of all, nalungkot ako ng valentine's kasi wala akong bulaklak. osige osige mababaw siya. i mean oo sige single rin naman ako noong nakaraang 364 days ng taon pero pag valentine's kasi parang nakahighlight na all caps with blinking neon lights na single ka at... parang walang nakakakita sayo maliban sa mga kaibigan at kapamilya. shetness.. dagdag mo pa ang kabwisitang nadarama ko noong ipaharana ni toot si toot. aba. sobrang sakit. para bang harapan akong sinasampal ampucha. di siya nakakatuwa. sabi ko nga kay kuya eto na ata ang karma ko sa ginawa ko dati. dalawang balik pa! bastusan talaga. ewan ko. di ko naman masasabing mahal ko siya pero di ko rin naman masasabing gusto ko lang siya. para bang nasa "gray area" ako ngayon. sakto lang ika nga. tangina. naubusan na pala ako ng emoness sa katawan. ikaw musta naman valentine's mo?

my current drama. *

The waves have crashed down at
Saturday, February 11, 2006
11:19 PM

so... i just got home from my weekly g4 trip. as i rode the cab going home here in taft, i paused for a while and wondered... am i really a good person? i mean.. good is such a broad adjective but when i look inside myself, i feel that i am not fulfilling what i am supposed to do. college has been great. i mean the freedom but with it comes a lot of responsibilities just okay for me to handle but sometimes, i feel that i am now a different person. i can't say if it's for the better or for the worse. college is supposed to be your "coming out" period in your life but for me, it isnt. college has turned me into a lifeless zombie trying to cope up with all the bullcrap i have to live with everyday. i am over blaming my mom for the mishaps in my life. i am on my own now yet i feel that i could have done something in the past to change what i have now. i wish i had followed my heart. now i see the consequences of being too practical. i chose my course because it would lead me to a greater financial reward in the near future but as of now, my heart is screaming that it had enough of the sciences my puny mind can handle. i dont want to shift to ab psych either because their cut-off is just as tough. i have decided to fight til my graduation day but i guess, it all boils down to my personal satisfaction. psychology is an interesting course but sometimes, i can't help but wonder what could have happened to me if i chose what i really wanted. i dont know.. maybe i would probably have a different set of friends [dont get me wrong, i love my friends to bits], a more satisfactory academic performance, more time for myself and the like.. honestly speaking, i miss hazel.. i miss myself and now look what i have become.. i know i have so-called "personal issues" but the thing is, even i can't fix them myself. i want to turn to someone for help but all seems at a loss. i have been carrying this burden for the past three years of my life and honestly speaking, i am going nowhere. i guess i won't be surprised if one day you'd find me dead on the bathroom floor. i don't know where to start. i dont know how to fix my life and i dont know where i am going. i'm like a little child lost in a storm. freezing cold and alone.. somebody help me.. i dont need love as in boyfriend-girlfriend love.. i need direction. i need guidance. i need acceptance, the feeling that i truly belong. i need someone and i hope that someone would help me turn it all around.

the reason why i don't have a boyfriend. hahaha! :P *

The waves have crashed down at
Sunday, February 05, 2006
7:13 PM

You Don't Have a Boyfriend Because You are Too Picky

You have no problem attracting guys - and even dating a little
It's just around second or third date time where you start to see faults
If a guy isn't near perfect, you're not into him.
It's good to have standards - but yours rule almost everyone out.

Why Don't You Have a Boyfriend?

pre-valentine's entry.. *

The waves have crashed down at
Thursday, February 02, 2006
5:40 PM

Your Love Life Secrets Are

Looking back on your life, you will have a few true loves.

You're a little scarred from your past relationships, but who isn't?

You expect a lot from your lover - you want the full package. You tend to be very picky.

In fights, you are able to walk away and calm down. You are able to weather the storm.

A break-up usually comes as a shock to you. You always think things are going well.

Your Love Life Secrets, Revealed

boom! how true, how true.. x_x ness..