*

The waves have crashed down at
Sunday, March 26, 2006
12:18 AM

a few hours ago was thankfully and hopefully the last of the military training i'd undergo my whole life.. anyway, i'm gonna miss the cute officer since we won't be having saturday trainings anymore..

as i was browsing through my bro's friendster account, i came across his girlfriend's page.. and i checked it out.. i saw that she had a cut pic of my bro there.. the most automatic reflex of any sibling would be to laugh at the pic and the fact that your sib's significant other has a pic of your sib on the s.o.'s account.. so i did.. hehehe.. it just made me miss the blissful days of being in love.. it takes a lot of effort to make a relationship work and i don't think i'm anywhere near ready to make room for that effort in my life.. and i haven't found him yet.. x_x

i remember one lab class, kuya and i were talking about the approaching end of our first schoolyear in de la salle.. of course, next year would be a new set of friends, new set of subjects, profs to deal with, different stress since i'm gonna start taking up my majors.. i'm really worried for my lil bro teeds since he has only one more subject to fail before he bids dlsu goodbye.. anyway, back to the topic.. it made me compare my whole stay in dlsu as a tv show.. something like one tree hill or the o.c. it had seasons and season 1 is about to end.. this year was full of drama, laughter, making and breaking relationships, staying together, drifting apart, and finding yourself.. i wonder what's in store for my season 2.. :-/

i recently joined the dlsu dragon boat team.. i was expecting my arms would hurt but i was wrong! my whole back and my legs are the ones that hurt! what's funny is that my arms are the only body parts used in that sport that didn't hurt! i'm planning on pursuing this thing til i graduate. :) at least now, i don't have to join team b of the tennis team since i have a new sport to develop! yay! what only sucks is that the training is at 5:30 am every tths.. but it's okay.. at least, i get a tan, well-defined cuts on my arms and i get to see this cute dude from the dlsu-dbt.. >:)

it's so friggin hot already!!! i envy those people who are already enjoying their summer vacation! i barely have like 1 month of summer! sigh..

btw, i also plan on applying as a barista just for fun and some extra cash.. well since i love coffee, might as well do something related to it.. :P

it's crunch time already and when the going gets tough, the tough goes to havaianas to reward herself with a new pair of flipflops! hahaha! that is my new motto. :P

anywho, i guess i better go.. i'll be in katips in a few hours to finish the paperwork with my lil bro teeds and hopefully, save the grade that both of us need..

good morning, philippines! you've been beautiful! :)

*

The waves have crashed down at
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
5:06 PM

i really don't know what to post.. so i just thought of listing all the guys i am crushed with just for fun.. :P

semi-queer a.k.a. sq
junior semi-queer a.k.a. jsq
lpep
pep squad
marco relsone
carlo cruz
chinese geek
eng boy
paul chua
joseph yeo
mallows
jc introso

wala lang.. guy galore.. :P

*additional*

the cute dude from the dlsu dragon boat team
rotc
the dude from sp who got nominated for midshipman hunk during the closing ceremony
adam brody *drool*
james lafferty
ashton kutcher
hugh jackman
michael cassidy when he was playing as zach in the o.c.
kyan douglas
my other classmate in introso ^_^

nu crushie. ^_^ *

The waves have crashed down at
Friday, March 17, 2006
6:55 PM

i am in crush with carlo cruz.. hahaha! wala lang.. nakakatuwa talaga magkacrush ng kaapilyido mo kasi kahit isulat mo ng paulitulit ang pangalan mo, walang makakahalata.. :D sadly, taga-GH siya noong high school.. naalala ko naman bigla si achi monique warning me about guys from gh and xavier. 99% of them are up to no good. wala lang.. but it's not like he likes me too.. i mean he likes really hot girls and i guess i'm just not one of them but who cares?! it's just a crush! :P it's the second gh-er crush i have.. the first one is jc from my introso class.. oh well.. ^_^

just felt like blogging before sleeping *

The waves have crashed down at
Thursday, March 16, 2006
12:53 AM

some updates for the week:

saw gec chia, chris quimpo and sonny tadeo.. do these names ring a bell? they should if you are a blue eagle fan! saw them a while ago at glorietta and i was starstruck for a few seconds even though i am now proudly green and white. :)

incurred two minor offenses pertaining to the dress code

bought havaianas flash with the yellow print, one of the flipflops i was hoping to have last christmas

currently enrolled for the next term and only has 12 units to pass

planning to apply as a part-time barista at starbucks taft

hoping it's not too late to pass stat102

gladly finishing the two remaining rotc trainings :D

hoping to pass companalec through the acetate project

knew in the back of my mind that some friends really do come and go.. i hope you don't.. :(

loving craig david's latest (? tama ba na latest?) single, unbelievable.. kinda makes me want to fall in love although that is pretty much a far-fetched thing at the moment..

bracing myself for the majors [experimental psychology and chemistry for the first term.. x_x]

can totally relate to dishwalla's song find your way home.. i hope i really do..

excited for bora but no funds yet..

might actually be going to the yfc youth camp just for fun :) i'm no kj agnostic! :P

*

The waves have crashed down at
Friday, March 10, 2006
11:09 PM

i want to be free.. please unbind the chains off the ankles off my feet..

still lost... what's new? *

The waves have crashed down at
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
10:16 PM

so.. here i am completely blank. i don't know what to say in front of the pc.. maybe a little recap of what i have had this year will do the trick.. I got into college which was a good thing since I've been itching to leave the house for the past three years. I'm not the most resilient person in the world so being in a new environment gave me at least a break from all the confusion that little hell hole brought me. Actually, I'm really not bothered by what is going on with me and my so-called depression. Forgive my excessive self-absorption in my blog but this is the only way I can channel my feelings into something without doing any harm to myself and others. If you are a secret fan of my so-called web log, well you must've been pretty tired of me ranting over what has been happening between me and Aids. Honestly, I really don't know if I am in love with the guy. I am totally clueless. What sucks even more is the fact that I now feel that sting of us drifting apart. He just texted me yesterday to ask if I had some double-sided tape. I dunno… Maybe this time, I'm just some girl he'll hang out with for the sake of hanging out with? Don't listen to me. These are just my paranoid assumptions but yes, I feel that's all what we'll ever be ever since the slip-up. Not that I need a guy in my life but I guess having him there is a totally different story. I was hoping that talking to him a bit would make this all go away but the fact is, it never did. I thought that he was.. Something and hopefully, I meant something to him.. Something I never felt for the longest time. Honestly, I don't really think that I am appreciated right now. I mean.. I am alone.. I guess I have always been. It has just been magnified exponentially. Before, it was like "Okay. I'm alone. So what?!" but now it's like there's this little irritating voice inside my head telling me, "Hey there, lil loser! You're all alone now and you've got a hazy life. Where are you gonna go now, huh? Run away? Do drugs? Try to kill yourself again? What's your next move, punk?". I must’ve been a little cuckoo lately. I mean.. all these things are just suddenly a big spoonful of rice that's so hard to swallow. I wasn't ready for all of this. I am too young to be depressed. I am too young to throw my life away just like that. I am too young to feel like life is nothing but the fear of the unknown would somehow get the better of me, [un]fortunately. Would somebody help me? Would somebody save me? What if it’s all too late? How I wish someone’s there for me.

lesson learned for today *

The waves have crashed down at
Monday, March 06, 2006
12:51 AM

sandra bullock was right... take everything as a strong suggestion, not as solid advice. you've gotta choose one that works for you.

maybe if i followed that suggestion, i wouldn't probably be in this predicament. oh well... still myself to blame. maybe i just need to shut up and shut out people so i don't get into these kinds of things...

welcome, pacey! :P *

The waves have crashed down at
Thursday, March 02, 2006
4:48 PM

shiet.. this blogging thing is really starting to get old plus the mere fact that i have no time for such old habits is a reason why you would are probably seeing the same thing for months and months.. so.. what's new in my life, you ask? well first of all, i am using pacey, my laptop.. i bought him in singapore when we went there last week. it was just a weekend long thing since i am as busy as a bee. well before that, it was one helluva shitty week. i have been bombarded by school work plus the emotional stress brought about by some misunderstanding with my amazing friends. the sad thing about it is, he knew all along how i really felt. no wonder his treatment has been somewhat different lately. i have been sensing it yet in the back of my head, i tried not to think or be bothered about it.. but then, tragedy struck. i mean would you even have the guts to put up a face knowing that you're exposed? trust was a really big issue on both parties and i am sorry that some people were made to choose point blank. i know now that it really is hard.. what makes me even more sad is the fact that after what has happened, things are never the same again.. *intermission* waaaaaaaaa... i'm here blogging at the yuch lobby and sq is here! ^_^ *intermission* back to the topic.. there.. i mean the friend i lost before over something this petty wasn't really a big loss on my part because i have learned to move on but for this guy, aids.. i mean.. the way he teases me, the way he plays with my hair, the way we talk about deep shit is just.. everything.. i have found a friend and a person who i think has everything i wanted in a guy.. it just sucks that he can't see me that way. i mean i am always at his each pops performances, his contests and stuff just for moral support and yet he still manages to put up all hopes on the girl of his dreams.. shit.. i can't believe i am on emo mode right now.. i don't know what to say anymore.. i am at a loss for words.. by the way, the physician at the annual physical examination recommended that i go see the school counselor for psychologic help. it's funny that i am taking up psychology when i think that i am a psychopath myself.. i just wish that all the things that i have to deal with right now will be over before i start working. i want all of these things to end before working. actually up to now, i still don't know what to do after graduating. either i take up medicine or culinary arts, one of my passions that never fail to motivate me. medicine would give me better financial reward but i know that culinary [actually, it's communication] that will give me the greatest sense of fulfillment. i mean i don't mind being poor as long as i'm happy with what i am doing. my life and my future will always be a mystery that even i myself will never fully understand but i hope that i will someday somehow...